Central Bank Of Dad - a brief history

A few years ago I was browsing in a clothes shop near Liverpool and came across a T-shirt that immediately caught my eye . With an official-looking crest it was emblazoned with the words "Central Bank Of Dad". Underneath in slightly smaller letters was the slogan "24 hour withdrawal - subject to availability". I had to have it.

I seem to recall that it was actually my Daughter who opened up the first branch in Keynsham in 1998. when she was 13. Since then C.B.O.D. has gone from strength to strength. Branches have sprung up across the country and lending is now at a record high. The Bank has also opened up a subsidiary operation, with a slight name change, Central Bank of Dave, to provide funding for various step-children,partners children and even children's partners. My own children remain however, my most loyal and regular customers.

In its formative years, CBOD followed the traditional route of offering non-repayable finance in the form of "Pocket Money". This worked well to begin with but as the age and interests of its customers grew there was a marked increase in "giving" with pay awards well in excess of inflation being repeatedly demanded almost on a monthly basis.

The era when mobile phones first became the norm for anyone out of nappies provided the bank with its first real challenge. As "pay-as-you-go" was not considered cool enough, the bank was persuaded to enter into several lengthy contracts on behalf of its customers who at the time were too young to sign their lives away. Despite numerous warnings re. excessive usage the inevitable happened. When the invoice for my Sons first month of usage was delivered on a pallet by a fork-lift truck the Bank temporarily withdrew all lending and metaphorically went for a lie down in a darkened room. Of course by the time the "William" (a larger Bill) had arrived the rot had set in for the following months usage and sure enough Williams even bigger brother duly arrived a month later - this time accounting for a good half of some unfortunate tropical rain forest in Brazil.

Being blessed with off-spring who were intelligent enough to liberate funds from the Bank in this way, it was no real surprise when they went on to Higher education. The first campus branch of CBOD was officially opened at Cardiff University in October 2003. A branch would follow at The Stockton campus of Durham University a few years later.

By now the Bank was forced into a two-tier form of lending: A fixed monthly payment "topped-up" by numerous ad-hoc requests for funds. The customers would always approach the Bank in their own unique way. "The Daughter formally known as Princess" would make her first approach by phone: "Daaaad" (note the extension of the word- this always spelled danger) " I was just wondering if it would be possible......". After this became the norm the manager of the bank would deal with the request by replying "How much? What for? and when?". Whatever the reason the loan was always granted and the funds would be transferred that day.

My Son approached the matter in a much more direct way. The requests would normally be transmitted by text message and the manager would process this quite often without any verbal communication.

Last year was marked by a pivotal moment in the Banks History. One of my partners children caused consternation and amazement by calmly walking into the Somerset branch (located in the lounge at home) one evening and requested a Deposit account!. The paramedics arrived within minutes and the manager eventually made a full recovery. When the CBOD was founded the architects had not allowed for a deposit window at the Head office so alterations were made to the layout of the Head office and new staff recruited.

Now in its 10th year, CBOD can look back on a challenging decade with a degree of satisfaction and an empty wallet. Currently it has 6 human patrons and one equine customer who came on board a few months ago - although the Bank remains dubious as to how a six year old horse will actually be able to re-pay its borrowings.

New requests for funding continue to flood in and the reasons range from the predictable (holidays,rent,food etc) to the downright strange (hair straighteners for my son!?! - he wont be pleased I mentioned that).

I've tried over the years to come up with one of those catchy slogans that other lending houses sometimes use. The best I've come up with is "The CBOD, the bank that feels emotionally blackmailed to say..... YES" - but I don't think its quite snappy enough. I can only dream of the day when I have to let my loan staff go and open another deposit window at Head Office....but I'm not holding my breath